How to Survive a Horror Film

October 27, 2014

Hello, friends!  Are you ready for Halloween??  I have grand plans of dressing up as Vanellope von Schweetz (from Wreck it Ralph) and trick-or-treating with my favorite four-year-old.  On Saturday, I’ll be attending another comic book convention – this one is Stan Lee’s Comikaze in L.A. and I am super excited!  Do you have any fun plans?  Are you going trick-or-treating, attending a costume party or perhaps staying in and watching a scary movie??

I have to admit that I am only a lukewarm horror movie fan at best.  I love zombie flicks and horror comedy, but I think the last truly scary movie I saw was The Ring (way back in high school, and that was plenty creepy enough!).  That being said, I am OBSESSED with The Walking Dead and all-things zombie-pocalypse related.  It’s real, folks.  Okay, it’s not at all real (not YET), but still, haven’t you ever thought about how you would survive??  If not, don’t worry, I got ya covered!


Whether facing some creepy little paranormal kid, a questionably sexy vampire or, my personal favorite, a horde of the living dead, here are some basic survival tips that will help you make it through your own worst nightmare (muahahahahahaha… what?).


1. WEAPONRY.  It’s important to think carefully about your strengths, weaknesses and how much fire power you can handle because, frankly, zombies are going to eat your brains unless you pulverize theirs first, even the craziest psycho can be stopped by a couple well-aimed bullets, and vamps only require a nice, pointy stake.  When considering possible weapons to arm yourself with, think about portability, availability of ammo, battery/fuel capacity, and, of course, how well you’ll actually be able to wield it.  Shotguns are generally great since the large blast of pellets means your aim doesn’t have to be super accurate, but they’re best at close range.  Likewise, some kind of knife is always handy to have around when things creep up on you unawares.  Think carefully, and maybe get in some practice before things turn ugly.

Buffy knows what's up.

Buffy knew how to stake a vamp and look good doing it!

2. COMMON SENSE.  If you have it, use it.  For example, don’t fall in love with a vampire, a werewolf, or an alien – they just don’t make good dates.  But really, you all know what I’m talking about here: the dumb people in scary movies who think it’s a great idea to, oh, I don’t know, play with a Ouija board in a graveyard, or investigate the ghost sightings at the abandoned mine, or head into any basement, anywhere, ever.  Don’t do it!  Don’t go in there!  Use your common sense, if you have any, and you might just make it to the end credits.

3. TRANSPORTATION.  The Scooby gang, Ghostbusters, Sam and Dean Winchester – all of them have some pretty awesome wheels to help them get from monster to monster.  Think about various modes of transportation that will help you escape whatever is after you, and carefully consider what type of fuel it will require.  Using common sense is great if you’re in a horror film, but there are often obstacles that get in the way of simply hitting the gas pedal and high-tailing it out of “Dodge.”  If you think schlepping it on foot is a definite possibility, then it might be that some cardio is in your future (I recommend the “Zombies, Run!” app – it’s great!).  Personally, I think building a massive armored vehicle, complete with gun turret, flame thrower, and CB radio, would be pretty useful in a zombie filled dystopian future, but I might need to learn how to drive a stick shift first.

I want THIS in my garage!  (photo credit: "An old army tank" by "MIkey" C.C. 2.0)

I want THIS in my garage! (photo credit: “An old army tank” by “MIkey” C.C. 2.0)

4. COMPANION(S).  Unless you’re truly capable of withstanding complete solitude for an indefinite amount of time, I recommend assembling a group of people you can trust to be your comrades in arms.  They’ll have your back in a tight situation, laugh with you, cry with you, and help keep you sane when things get real weird, and some villains are really more of a 2+ person job anyway, don’t you think?  From Rick Grimes and his badass crew to Buffy the Vampire Slayer’s band of misfits, all of the really great “good guys” could not have survived without their pals.  Plus, when all else fails, your less fortunate friend could be the casualty that ensures your survival (just so long as you can run faster than them).  Just saying…

I definitely want these guys in my side.

I would try to stay on their good side if I were you.


Well, I think those are all of the most important factors to staying alive and surviving a horror film.  Can you think of anything I missed??  Just in case, you can always pick up a Zombie Preparedness kit from Man Crates – they have all you need to survive in a zombie apocalypse and it ships right to your door!  (Plus, these man-themed goodies ship in an actual crate that has to be pried open with an actual crow bar!  I’m keeping Man Crates on my list of potential guy gifts for sure – and if anyone wants to send one to me, I definitely wouldn’t say no!)

I hope I’ve helped get you in the Halloween spirit – stay tuned to see my thrifted and handmade Halloween costume later this week!!

As always, thanks for reading!  Love & zombies, Kristi ;)



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